And even in the darkest moments, hearing that someone I love needs my help only reminds me that I am lucky enough to have people in my life for whom I would drop everything for, and who I know would do the same for me.

We all have a deeper capacity to love than we think. Make time for the ones who you love without reservation. They’re the ones worth holding onto.

And I sat, or rather, stood,

and heard stories of sex, of violence, of mundane bullshit everyday

and I saw a man who I haven’t seen in seven years

and I felt closer to his understanding of the world than I have to most things in Chicago,

I felt the Mitten rushing back, 

I stood next to my best friend and felt like she will never understand this part of me,

I felt crushed under the weight of my own inability to separate myself from home, 

and listened to a girl talk about fucking in a rolling chair

talk about the taste of cum,

the same girl who had introduced me to Sailor Moon,

who had gone trick-or-treating with me,

listened to the Beatles in her room with me, 

asked me over the phone when I told her my Dad was dead, 

“How do you want me to react?”

I thought of the people from my hometown,

I thought about how no matter what I do,

I will never be from Chicago,

no matter what my license plate,

address,

work,

friends,

sex,

art,

life says, I am not from here,

I was born and raised in the subtle, specific differences of the state,

the inarticulable strangeness and sameness,

I will never be able to explain what it is that makes it special, that sets it apart,

but for years to come I can show you on my hand where I grew up,

and hope that you can glimpse the depth in the skin of my palm. 

Not bartender friend gave me a watery Manhattan with no smile and one cherry, charged me $8.

Bartender friend remembers my whiskey of choice, three cherries, full pint glass, $6.

It really pays off to hang out at bars every Monday night.

And other inadvertent drowning imagery by award-winning songwriter Markie Gray.

No really don’t freak out don’t obsess it doesn’t matter stop obsessing STOP FREAKING OUT. 

whatshouldacappellacallme:

No but actually nominations are also really amazing. 

(Source: jmunoteoriety)